I'm still rather unhappy and have many moments of extreme discontent. I would do well with a month long excursion around the world. My amazing boyfriend is the only thing that truly makes me happy and keeps me sane.
I'm just not myself these days.
However, it's been a long period of time, that I'm beginning to wonder if it's just who I have become. "These days" have turned into "these months."
I don't know what has gotten into me. I used to be such a social butterfly. Excuse the cliche but it describes my former self perfectly. Anytime I was invited to go out or to hang out with friends, I was always up for it. In the past couple of months I have rejected so many invitations to do anything. I always try and get out of plans. I don't feel bad about missing out any of it although I can feel my friendships suffering. And for some reason I don't care. This is not me. I really used to be that person that was fun and was always up for anything. I hate the term "life of the party" but I'd say that the connotations that come with the phrase could accurately describe my former self. I lived for social interaction and being around people. Now, I'd much rather stay home by myself or be with my boyfriend. While I do appreciate the quiet moments in my life, I feel as though I need the social interaction back in my life even if right now I don't feel like I do. I know that I do because I'll look at old pictures with complete nostalgia and remember how fun I used to be but, when presented with a social invite, I shudder at the thought.
Good thing 2010 is around the corner.
I'll be posting a blog link for my Happiness Project for those of you that would like to read about my journey and cheer me on!
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Jamie, I went through this same thing not so long ago. I too was a social butterfly and the life of the party but for awhile I wasn't anymore. And I missed it. For me, at my age, some of that was just plain growing up but some of it was also depression (and not realizing it at the time) and the depression I was repressing because i like being happy was causing quite a bit of anxiety...... (which was causing the trying to get out of things I was saying yes too)..... maybe that might be some of what you are experiencing also?
ReplyDeleteYou know..I think you are right. I think I am trying so hard to deny the fact that I might have some mild depression. I love being happy and I don't want to admit that maybe I'm not! I think that is why I am so anxious all the time..it's been really bad lately. I can't sleep either.
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