wow..

So I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and his family. I haven't seen his family since March when we went on vacation due to the fact that I have to work every weekend. I have to say things are much worse than I expected. This weekend was so hard for me and as soon as I got in my car to drive the 45 minutes home I just cried. ALS is a horrible, horrible way to die.

I think that my boyfriend doesn't let on to how bad things actually are. His dad can barely walk. He only can walk with a walker..and not that far. He falls alot. He can't lift his legs..his arms just hang there. I can tell he is in so much pain. I feel so bad for him..because he is so aware that he can't do anything and that he is helpless and he hates it. I feel bad for his mom because she is stressed. and mostly..I feel horrible for my boyfriend..because I know how it is to watch your parent die at a relatively young age.

I have to just say though..that my boyfriend is amazing. He really is. I know I've said it before..but after this weekend I come back with my heart just bursting at the seams with love for him and in awe of how amazing of a son and boyfriend he is. I was not the primary caretaker of my mom..my stepdad was. It was hard enough for me the few times I had to help him carry her or watch her on occasion. But i realized this weekend..that my boyfriend does it all. We were at their campground this weekend and I got a glimpse of how hard life is for them right now. My boyfriend did everything..he made dinner, he got his dad into chairs and to his friends campsite. It took my boyfriend and 2 other guys to get him into the camper at night. It took about 15 minutes. He just couldn't even lift his legs or pull himself up. He just sort of shuffles. My boyfriend showers his dad this morning and took him to the bathroom and gets him dressed. I was falling apart today just watching it all. I have so much respect for my boyfriend. He honestly is the most amazing man in the world to me. I don't know how he is doing it..but he is handling the situation in a way that I can admire as someone who has been in this situation and handled it poorly. He is just amazing..and I am heartbroken that he has to go through this right now. I'm realizing there is nothing I can do..except be there for him and try to make things easier on him (ie not getting pissed about stupid things even if I'm PMSing lol)

After having seen all this, I arrive home to a big get together at my neightbor's house which is also the house of one of my very good friends. My whole group of friends was there and I could hear them outside laughing and playing lawn games and whatnot. I have always felt a little bit different from all of them in terms of general things..btu every since my mom died have felt this weird separation from them. I can't be the same way as them. I know all of them well..and I'm not trying to diminish the trials in their lives..but they have not had to go through the kinds of things I have..I'm not say that is their fault..but I have always had a hard time relating to them. I matured too fast for my own good because of everything and it's just so hard for me to find the same things important as the rest of them. I know that sounds horrible as if I'm some sort of snob or someone who thinks their live is harder than anyone elses..but that's not really the case. It's just especially now with everything going on..i don't have time for their petty, juvenile bullshit and the social politics that go on amongst this group of people. If I don't show up for an "event" or something..they all think I'm pissed off or that something is wrong. It's ridiculous. I don't have time for it.